Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Sexism in relationships

I will not speak of domestic violence.
I will not talk about  discrimination directed against women workers .
I will speak of our daily sexism, not always confessed , whose perpetrators are not always aware of.
In the workplace, some male practices are already identified as expressions of sexism . On this, there is an excellent article published in Think Olga ,  O machismo também mora nos detalhes (only in Portuguese), which reading I recommend.  Practises:  manterrupting (men interrupt women when they're speaking), bropriating (men  who appropriate the ideas of a woman and take credit for them), mansplaining (when a man devotes his time to explain something obvious to a woman, as if she were unable to understand it) .
The text O machismo também mora nos detalhes also speaks of another practise which is definitely not restricted to work place:  gaslighting, emotional violence through psychological manipulation, that leads a woman and everybody around her to think she's gone mad or is incapable of living by herself. 
However, very little is told about sexism in heterosexual relationships.
In nowadays Brazil, non-committal relationships are overspread, known as "ficar" (hook up).  Sometimes a couple hooks up only once;  sometimes, more than once.  The thing is, Brazilian men are simply imposing hook up on women, either to escape from being true, either to "test" them.  Hold on, Simone Andréa:  which woman has never done this either?  Who has never kissed and hugged a guy she'd never date?
All right.  The thing is, this has become a rule, and a rule that guys have imposed us.
Moreover, we still get involved with men according to the rules that they have made;  to the values that are good for them;  and, which is worse:  we agree with that, and, if a few of us dare to act as freely as they do, or (even worse!) question them...  these few lasses are labelled mad.
Men have and won't yield courtship initiave:  they are sure of their right to win women.  Girls doing it?  Oh, no!  If they do so, they are "worth less" (than the other).
When a man wants a woman, he won't give her up till he's sure he has won her;  once he win the lady, he believes himself entitled to the absolute power of making whatever he chooses of her, like despising her, playing hard, disputed, when he is, in fact, a... jerk.
Men have and won't yield (what they believe as) their absolute right to "own" women, even though they bark, "I don't want commitment".  She goes out without him and he knows where she's gone to?  He goes after her just to make sure she has not gone with another guy or if she's behaving "well".
And there are other crazy, hurting and upsetting things they do, as if they were the most regular and harmless on Earth;  and they do them just to control the relationship, as well as women's hearts and minds.  And woe to women that express their nonconformity!
Nevertheless, if it was not our cooperation, our passivity, sexism in relationships should have already long ago fallen rotten.   Our cooperation:  I mean the type of woman (unfortunately, so many!) that not only does not react, but agrees with or encourages sexist standards.  And there's always that lady who blames the other for "not knowing how to lead men".

Soon I'll come back with more artillery.

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